haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
