There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone came in the potted fern
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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