I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
