shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
