K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
