Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
