Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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