Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
