Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize