I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
