Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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