Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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