Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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