can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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