I'm going to jail i love you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
