Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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