My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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