Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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