You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No subtext here. People are naked.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
