you would pick up someone in the library
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
