the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
