So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
