Your tits are I can't wait for
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love you. Go after that dick
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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