Only a mothe r could love this liver
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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