i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
