Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
