he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
