Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize