he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
