she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
