I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
