I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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