She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
