i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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