How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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