Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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