Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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