She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
