Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
