i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
