my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
