If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
