do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
