Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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