no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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