i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
