Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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