Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
