WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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