She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
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I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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