i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
