i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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