Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
