well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
