Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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