Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
