is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
