Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
