i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
