....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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