yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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