id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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