Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
