there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
