if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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