If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
