I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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