didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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