I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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