I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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